Give the kid a lolly
My daughter 5 and I were at the nail salon bonding while getting our nails painted from a lovely and friendly beauty therapist. Next to us another lady sat with her son approximately the same age as my daughter. It seemed that the ladies knew each other as they spoke in there mother tongue.
Some time passed and my beauty therapist got up, went to the kitchen and came back with a lolly for herself and the boy.
I could see my daughters eyes widen as she looked at the boy eating the lolly, then at the lady in hope that she would give her one too. My heart hurt, as her mother watching the scenario I was saddened and unsure what the right approach was. Should I ask the lady for a lolly for my daughter? Should I just ignore the situation? Should I say something to my daughter?
I let the moment pass and instead commented on how sparkly her nails were and that glitter was a great choice.
Afterwards, in the car driving home, I asked my daughter her how she felt about the situation and not getting a lolly. In her words she said she was sad as she wanted the lady to give her a lolly too. I acknowledged her feelings and said I probably would have felt the same way. Then I explained how we can only control the way we react and how she did a fantastic job by not screaming, crying or getting upset. I thanked her for that.
Then she asked me why she didn't give her a lolly. We brainstormed and came up with the following ideas:
- The lady was friends with the boy and wasn't friends with my daughter
- The lady was never taught to offer lollies to people she didn't know especially kids
- The lady didn't have any more
- The lady thought my daughter was allergic
- The lady thought that my daughter would say no, hence she didn't want to be rejected
Brainstorming part was great, as we took the time to understand options from the other person's perspective.
Finally I asked what did she learn from the situation, her beautiful response was that she needs to share lollies when other people are around or if she does not want to share eat the lollies when no one is around.
Later that day at home, I overheard my daughter explaining to her brother what had happened and why he too needs to share. She when went to explain to him that it is ok if people do not share with him and not to get upset as no one taught them to share and it is not because they are mean.
This was a moment I was proud, I knew that my daughter learnt a valuable lesson and she will start being a bit more conscious around others too as well as looking at the good in people. The overall scenario was truly a gift sent to us to learn.
I would love to hear from you, can you tell me about a time you have turned a situation around?
Want your child to learn the lesson through a fiction story. Read about what happens to Zora & Storm here.